What a slap in the face...

So as I sat in my office this morning feeling sorry for myself b/c of my circumstances at work, I had to ask myself a question: Why did I take this job in the first place??

Great question. I'll be honest. Before I ever even interviewed for this job, I had every intention of not taking it. Ab and I had discoved that it was bit more of a commute than we liked, and the offering salary was.. decent at best. I left the interview feeling content that I was making the right decision to just pass and continue with all of the interviews I had planned. Within 30 minutes of leaving the interview I received a phone call with the job offer. I told them I would be in touch and headed off to my next interview. Before I pulled into the parking lot, I received a call from my interviewer saying he was sick-- stomach flu and we'd have to re-schedule.

The next day, Saturday, I received an email from the church people. They knew I had health benefits through Ab's job, so they swapped out health benefits for a HUGE jump in salary. Sweet! Ab and I decided this would be great.(I turned down roughly 6 other employers for this chance) I mean.. money does talk, regardless of what some people say. We talked Monday and worked out the details.

All of that to say... I believe that God had his hand in my job search. My heart and head may not have been in the right place, but God is the puppet-master. I don't mean that disresectfully either. He helps guide us to the decisions he knows we will make, but helps us come to them.

After deciding how I came across this job and what lead me to work here, God and I had this conversation. It began with his question in his Oh So Loving and Fatherly tone:

God: But WHY did you take this job?
Me: I guess I wanted to serve..
God: So... Aren't you doing that?
Me: Yes, but..
God: What?
Me: It's hard, there are a few people that suck, and I hate the drive, and ..
God: *yawn*
Me: Hey! That's valid!! (pathetic huh?) And THAT is when I felt as though I had been slapped in the face.

It's not always about what we can gain from our surroundings. I'm serving. I love the feeling of knowing that I helped. In every situation in life there are going to be people who make us want to strangle them. In some instances more than a few, but it is SOOO rewarding and SOO worth it to know that you helped someone. And believe it or not.. There is SOMETHING here I'm supposed to learn, and someone here I am going to help. God will not prepare me to move forward until I have accomplished the "right now" task he has for me. Crazy huh?

It's funny looking back. It was that way in OK too. I let a couple of people SOUR my feelings for my job, for my work. I couldn't look past how miserable they made me. The day I wrote my resignation letter (the first time.. in Nov) I had it printed. I was soo pumped to turn it in and walk away... then I was called into a meeting. They wanted me to be P Mark's new assistant. Really?!? Wow. I shredded the letter. I knew that there was somethign I was SUPPOSED to learn, to accomplish, help with. Working for Mark was one of the MOST FUN jobs I've ever had. Any of you that know him... know this is a true statement. He LOVES people. He lives, breathes, and walks in faith and love. Working for him helped me realize what true service is. Someday, I wanna be like Mark. I hope to be.. maybe not in the pastoral sense, but I want that drive, that passion. I want to influence people in a positive way.

So with that slap in the face came surrender. I'm going to do my job. Do it as best I can, and when my "right now" task is finished here God will open a door for me elsewhere.